<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Curious Beginnings by Multishipperlove</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23418778">Curious Beginnings</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multishipperlove/pseuds/Multishipperlove'>Multishipperlove</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Trans Vax'ildan [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Doubt, First Day on T, Gen, HRT, Trans Male Character, Trans Vax'ildan (Critical Role)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 09:13:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,535</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23418778</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multishipperlove/pseuds/Multishipperlove</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Vax is finally able to start hormone replacement therapy. For a moment, he starts having doubts. </p>
<p>Written for Trans Day of Vsibility 2020</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Vax'ildan &amp; Vex'ahlia (Critical Role)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Trans Vax'ildan [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1609090</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>74</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Curious Beginnings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I was once again a bit surprised by Trans Day of Visibility, but this year I wanted to write a fic for it! So this is short, and about as haphazardly thrown together as all my other fics, but I hope you enjoy it anyway. </p>
<p>(Also it's already april first where I live, but shhhhh we'll just pretend time zones don't exist for a moment)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A heavy silence hung over the small living room the twins shared, Vax sitting on the couch and Vex leaning against the opposite wall, both staring at the blue and white bottle of testosterone gel sitting on the coffee table. It didn't look particularly intimidating, but they both knew it was the start of something... bigger.</p>
<p>“So,” Vex mumbled, speaking up first and actually looking at her brother. “Are you excited? I mean, you can start now, right, this is it?”</p>
<p>Vax just nodded at first, still not taking his eyes off the thing. “I- I guess,” he muttered back. Of course he was excited. After all it had taken months to get the letter from his therapist, find an endocrinologist, deal with his insurance, all that jazz. And he'd, metaphorically, been on the edge of his seat through all of it, so it was a bit hard to understand why it had suddenly turned to apathy. Or fear, maybe. It was hard to put it into words.</p>
<p>Had he looked up, he would have seen his sister's eyes turn soft before she walked over, joining him on the couch and gently bumping shoulders with him. “Look,” she started, reaching out to place her hand on his, “if you don't feel ready, you know you don't have to. Start tomorrow, or next week, or whenever you want.”</p>
<p>“But I don't want to wait any longer!” he groaned in answer, finally allowing himself to move again and falling back against the cushions. His hands came up to cover his eyes, trying to block out the problem and the simmering frustration that came with it. “I've been working towards this for months, why is this so hard?”</p>
<p>“It's a big decision, I'm pretty sure you're not the only one having second thoughts this close to the finish line,” she assured him, tugging him forward again and refusing to let him hide. “Your next therapy appointment is in three days, why don't you talk it over with him.”</p>
<p>Vax shook his head, not happy with that solution either. “That's exactly the point though, I already passed the finish line. I thought it was supposed to be easier from here.”</p>
<p>She hummed softly and then rubbed his arm, before getting up again. “You know what they say about beginnings and endings, brother, it's not that easy. I'm gonna start lunch, you want something?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” he muttered back, rolling his eyes at her answer. But at least it got him to stop brooding for now, as he got up to follow her and help with food prep. Maybe he <em>would</em> talk it over with his therapist again, even though that wasn't really the decision he'd been hoping for today. But it would most likely leave him feeling better than rushing the decision.</p>
<p>For now, he stowed the bottle in the little cupboard above their bathroom sink, right behind the birth control blister package that reminded him he'd forgotten it again this morning. It was a good thing he wasn't actually taking it to avoid getting pregnant.</p>
<hr/>
<p>The next morning, he didn't forget his pill. And, of course, that meant he was also greeted by the sight of the bottle again, still standing there, waiting for him. He'd tried to avoid thinking about it too much the other day, so it came as a bit of a surprise to him that most of the negative feelings- weren't there anymore.</p>
<p>The dread that had settled deep in his chest, that had made it hard to breath at times, seemed to have eased up again. Instead he thought about all the possibilities that had seemed so far out of reach once, and were now right at his finger tips. Right. Finish line.</p>
<p>Taking a deep breath he finally reached for the thing, and called out over his shoulder to his sister. “Vex? Vex, I'm fucking doing it!”</p>
<p>“Right now?” Came the confused reply, and a knock at the door a moment later. “Can I come in?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah come in,” he mumbled, unlocking the door for her and then taking a step back so they could share the small space in front of the mirror. “Look, waiting sucks, and- it's gel anyway, right? It's not like I'll start sprouting a beard as soon as I apply it. If there are any changes I don't like, I can stop any time.”</p>
<p>Vex smiled at him and nodded, and he got the impression that she'd had the same thing in mind all along. Apparently just waiting for him to make that realisation himself. Smug bastard. At least it had taken him less than 24 hours.</p>
<p>Either way. “Okay, what do I do?” he asked, looking from Vex to the bottle in his hands and back up, suddenly nervous again. “Like, do I shower before applying this? I don't think I have enough patience left for that.”</p>
<p>“Is there an instruction leaflet or something?” Vex asked, and he shrugged again.</p>
<p>“Oh, wait, it came in a cardboard box, maybe there's something in there,” he finally remembered, and told her where to find it. Moments later she was back, instructions in hand and already going over them.</p>
<p>“Okay, okay... says here, you need to apply it to a clean and dry area of skin, preferably your shoulders and upper arms. How many doses are you supposed to start with?”</p>
<p>“Just one for now,” Vax mumbled, as he started to tug his shirt over his head. He wasn't wearing his binder yet, but, well, he wasn't very shy in front of Vex. To make sure his hair wouldn't get in the way he swiped one of the hair ties from her side of the sink, tying it all up in a lazy bun. “I showered before going to sleep, should be clean enough. So... just one pump, right?”</p>
<p>“If your doctor said so,” she agreed, watching as he took the bottle in his hands again and pushed down once, leaving about a gram of translucent gel in his upturned palm. She scrunched up her nose. “Smells like disinfectant.”</p>
<p>Vax just grinned and started to apply it, spreading it as evenly as possible over the free skin. He wasn't bothered by the smell, or by literally anything right now. He was pretty sure he hadn't felt this giddy in weeks.</p>
<p>“Okay, and now you wait,” Vex told him, smiling as well as she watched his obvious delight at the small action. “Three to five minutes it says, then you're allowed to put your shirt back on.”</p>
<p>“Oh fun, so I get to stand around shirtless, in front of the mirror, every morning now?” he scoffed, but there was no heat behind it. Even that couldn't spoil his current mood.</p>
<p>Vex waved him off, busy now with trying to fold the leaflet again and fitting it into the birth control package. Chances were good that they would at least find it there. “I'm sure you'll get used to it. And you don't actually have to stand in front of the mirror, you know. Anyway, how's it feel?”</p>
<p>“Not all that different yet,” Vax chuckled, though he couldn't help but move in a bit closer to the mirror anyway. No beard yet. “But... I don't know, it feels good. Does that make sense? I know it's going to take a few weeks before I notice anything, but it still makes a difference.”</p>
<p>“I think it makes perfect sense,” she assured him once more. “But you know what this calls for?”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>With a wide grin, she took her phone out of her pocket. “Victory selfie.”</p>
<p>“Vex. I'm literally half naked.”</p>
<p>“Well then don't get your manly tits in the shot, dumbass,” she replied, before tugging him closer again and at an angle where she could take a photo without exposing him too much. It easily became more than one photo, too, with both of them striking some silly poses at first, making dumb faces at the camera, pretty much whatever they could think of to ruin any good shot.</p>
<p>In the end she had what she wanted though. A nice picture of both of them smiling, hair still unkempt and she herself in her pyjamas, Vax' naked shoulders barely in the frame.</p>
<p>Still smiling she pulled him closer still, pressing a kiss to his dark hair. “Happy first day on t, brother,” she whispered, before finally letting go. There were tears in her eyes now, which she did her best to ignore, waiting for a moment where she could wipe her eyes as discreetly as possible, but Vax didn't seem to be doing any better.</p>
<p>Later he would add a voice recording to the selfie, and store both in a very special folder on his phone. One he was hoping to fill with many more voice recordings, and photos, and videos, to make sure he wouldn't miss a single thing about this. To make sure he would always be able to remember how the journey started, and where he'd been along the way.</p>
<p>But for now, he was happy to sink into his sisters arms again and cry, just a little bit. Just until he could put his shirt on again.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>